I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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