five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Randomize
