Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
