If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
