My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
