A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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