I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
