If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
