Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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