Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
honey bunches of taint.
Too much gin, very little bucket
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
