Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
