Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
