I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
