Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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