i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
