The maid of honor just puked.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Randomize