I accidentally had phone sex last night
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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