so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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