then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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