Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
