Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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