What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
