Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
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