I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
