I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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