drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
