She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
