im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
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you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
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I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My liver is preforming stress tests.