just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???