guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.