i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes