There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.