but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
