Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
