literally had 100 drinks last night.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
