That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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