well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
