Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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