LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
