I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
