I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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