We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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