i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
