I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
