who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
