Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Oh god it's open bar.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
