Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
