Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Blood and glitter go together right?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
This baby is an asshole
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
