Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
