I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
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I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i've created a new STD.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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