hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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