so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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