He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
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If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
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I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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