the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
