I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
