DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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