I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
