I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
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With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
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Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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