Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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