you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize